Drew

I've been debating for the past couple of days about how personal I want to make my blog. While writing this right now, I don't even know if I will post it. Part of me wants to, but another part is afraid of what people may think and what I may think of myself after writing it.
My brother, Drew, was born with epilepsy, cerebral palsy and mental retardation. He is now 30, but has the mind of a 6 year old. We have such a...strange relationship. While I absolutely HATE seeing him have a seizure or be embarrassed by something, I sometimes don't treat him as well as I could. It's kind of always been a relationship where I try and protect and guard him from things that may hurt him, or to keep him out of situations that will end badly, even if he doesn't know why. Basically, I can tease my brother and annoy him, but no one else can.
Then the other day, out of nowhere, I had a mini epiphany. What if the teasing or annoying that I do is worse than what a stranger would do or has done? What if I've made him feel worse than anything in the world? I am sure I have and I regret that immensely. But it can be really hard sometimes; trying to reconcile his physical age and his mental age, and find a happy medium, and to not dwell on what he could have been or what he would be like if he was 'normal'. It is just so confusing, and difficult. And this has always been a problem of mine. But, I guess like anything, I need to take baby steps and keep in mind how the things I do or say effect him differently than they do me. He never hesitates to say I love you, or ask how my day was. And sometimes I can go a whole day without talking to him, not necessarily on purpose, but just because I don't go out of my way to say hi.I blame myself, partly, for the relationship my little sister has with him. I think she is just confused by all of it and she never talks about it, so I really don't know what her thoughts could possibly be. And it's especially difficult because she had a completely different experience growing up with him than I did, so I can't really compare her feelings, thoughts and questions to what my feelings and thoughts and questions were when I was her age.
So from here on out I am changing my ways. It may seem different and odd at the beginning, but hopefully me and Drew will get to a place where we have an excellent and much improved relationship. And maybe, by example, my sister can see how things should have always been.